You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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