I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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