i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
