I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
