you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
