The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
