My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
