You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
