I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
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what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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