i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
