You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
