Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
