I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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