guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
