3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
