Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
whose parrot is this?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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