if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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