According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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