I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
