I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
