Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
