Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
