It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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