He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it was like eating out sand paper
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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