True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
