need another drink. this is the easiest way
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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