I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
