I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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