On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I cannot find my penis.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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