And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
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I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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