he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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