I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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