My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
