i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I lost the right to judge tonight
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
