Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
