i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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