Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
