we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
