i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
