please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
