my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize