Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
