I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
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An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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