He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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