I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
