it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
