the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
