Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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