Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
