He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
