They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
