just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I lost the right to judge tonight
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
