my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just pee around me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
