it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's just like the Real World with babies
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
