The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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