Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
