I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Too much gin, very little bucket
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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