So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
