is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
