her vagine was all disorganized.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
