peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize