i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My breasts were aching with rage.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
