so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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