you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
