i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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