he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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