I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
