I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
