My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
