Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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