I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
