Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
