I think I won the penis lottery.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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