is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
