Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Randomize
