playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
