I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
