John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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