I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
