there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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